Have you ever seen the film Two Can Play That Game?
In this 2001 rom-com, marketing professional Shante Smith (played by Vivica A. Fox) lays down some essential relationship rules for women having ‘man problems’.
And the best bit? Her 10 day programme that shows women what to do when you catch a man ‘doing you wrong’.
Shante’s programme starts the day after you catch him out with another girl/lying/texting an ex/*insert stupid thing he did here*, and goes a little something like this (with a few updates):
What to do: Check your phone but do not call/text/whatsapp/tweet him
Why: If he hasn’t called yet it’s not because he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to think of a strategy. Whoever calls first loses ground.
What to do: if he does call/text today, don’t take the first call or respond to the first message. If he calls or messages again, amswer but give brief replies, your job is to just listen.
If he tries to take his time to feel you out during the call, rush him off the phone and set a time and place to meet. Arrive 15 minutes late, be polite and charming, but just listen.
After he offers an explanation, say you need some time apart. Whatever he says now/did then, he should know better.
Why: everything must be done on your terms, make him wait.
If you don’t want him back, keep stepping.
If you want him back, punish him.
What to do: hang out with the girls, go shopping, laugh. Maintain military silence, don’t text/tweet/like/poke/call the enemy.
If possible, be seen talking and hugging with a known player (flunkie) in front of a PR agent (gossip who is friends with the man in question) or post a pic with a male friend in a neutral place like a restaurant or park on social media. But don’t overdo it, you’ll seem desperate.
Why: get your mind off the situation immediately. You can do more with silence that you could ever do with speaking.
What to do: maintain radio silence and keep busy. But, he might pull a fast one on you and just come over, then you’re in trouble.
Why: by this point he’s probably getting advice from his friends, which could get sticky. Keep strong: if they don’t feel pain, there will be no gain.
What to do: stay in if you can, and wait for day five to pass.
Why: if he did come over or get you to speak to him, chances are he transferred his negative energy and frustration on to you. Boo.
What to do: occupy your damn time, stay busy. Open up your contacts list and go on a few dates, meet up with old friends.
Why: until you can turn the tables back on him, you need to think about other things.
What to do: pay a visit to Victoria’s Secret, get your nails and hair done, take a long hot bubble bath, find your freakum dress, apply your make up and do the unthinkable; take an unexpected trip over to his house.
Why: your aim is to get in the house, to show him what he’s been missing, but not give him *anything*.
What to do: go to the supermarket and pick up some groceries, buy a nice bottle of wine or champagne.
Why: you have faith that you and your man will get back together, right? So be prepared for it.
Days 9 and 10
What to do: kick back and wait for him to beg for your forgiveness.
If you see him out or on social media with other girls, don’t take it up with the girl, take it up with him if you have to mention it at all.
Don’t get into a posting war with him, trying to prove who’s having more fun without the other person, or posting pictures with that guy he hates.
Be seen making real power moves with people he’s never even seen before.
Why: if he *really* wants to come back, he will. Anything that he’s posting or doing in front of you is just to get your attention, ignore it and do you.