1. Tell her that she’s good at something… Then add “for a girl” 

2. Ignore her messages. Do you know how long it took to choose the right emoji?! 

3. Turn up to her work place in a backwards cap, jeans that expose your underwear and a string vest 

4. Make vague plans. Just FYI: “Let’s meet up tomorrow” is not a plan 

5. Go and get food for yourself without bringing her anything, even if she says she’s not hungry 

6. Use her things without asking. Bonus points if you leave them dirty/broken 

7. Come to meet her riding a Segway/push bike/scooter 

8. Compare her to a celebrity. This is the stuff of women’s mags, let’s leave it there, yeah? 

9. Ask her if she’s on her period when you don’t like what she has to say 

10. Patronise her. ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Honey’ are the absolute worst 

11. Take her to any of these locations on a date 

12. Tell her she’ll end up single because she’s too picky

13. Tell her she thinks she’s “too nice” when she rejects your offer of Netflix and chill 

14. Invite her to your house for Netflix… and chill 

15. Ask her to smile. Resting b*tchface is a real thing, ok? 

16. Ask her what kind of music she likes, and then criticise her for it 

17. Ask her why she’s *still* single 

18. Ask her how much money she makes 

19. Assume you know everything about her 

20. Ask her bra size 

21. Ask how much she weighs 

22. Call her pretty (the word you’re looking for is beautiful) 

23. Turn up to meet her family with slit eyebrows and a grill 

24. Touch her hair without permission. You have NO idea what you’re getting into 

25. Touch her face without permission. Now the bacteria from your hand is on fertile spot breeding ground 

26. Ask her if she can cook 

27. Ask her to meet you without telling her where you are going. Now she’s in 5 inch heels at paintballing 

28. Compare her to your ex 

29. Try and talk her out of her religious views

30. Make fun of a new trend she’s trying out *hides flash tattoo* 

31. Call her “shawty” (unless you’re Plies)