1. Tell her that she’s good at something… Then add “for a girl”
2. Ignore her messages. Do you know how long it took to choose the right emoji?!
3. Turn up to her work place in a backwards cap, jeans that expose your underwear and a string vest
4. Make vague plans. Just FYI: “Let’s meet up tomorrow” is not a plan
5. Go and get food for yourself without bringing her anything, even if she says she’s not hungry
6. Use her things without asking. Bonus points if you leave them dirty/broken
7. Come to meet her riding a Segway/push bike/scooter
8. Compare her to a celebrity. This is the stuff of women’s mags, let’s leave it there, yeah?
9. Ask her if she’s on her period when you don’t like what she has to say
10. Patronise her. ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Honey’ are the absolute worst
11. Take her to any of these locations on a date
12. Tell her she’ll end up single because she’s too picky
13. Tell her she thinks she’s “too nice” when she rejects your offer of Netflix and chill
14. Invite her to your house for Netflix… and chill
15. Ask her to smile. Resting b*tchface is a real thing, ok?
16. Ask her what kind of music she likes, and then criticise her for it
17. Ask her why she’s *still* single
18. Ask her how much money she makes
19. Assume you know everything about her
20. Ask her bra size
21. Ask how much she weighs
22. Call her pretty (the word you’re looking for is beautiful)
23. Turn up to meet her family with slit eyebrows and a grill
24. Touch her hair without permission. You have NO idea what you’re getting into
25. Touch her face without permission. Now the bacteria from your hand is on fertile spot breeding ground
26. Ask her if she can cook
27. Ask her to meet you without telling her where you are going. Now she’s in 5 inch heels at paintballing
28. Compare her to your ex
29. Try and talk her out of her religious views
30. Make fun of a new trend she’s trying out *hides flash tattoo*
31. Call her “shawty” (unless you’re Plies)